Yesterday was straight out of “Everything Must Go.” I was set up in front of my house for a yard sale and a boy in the neighborhood decided he wanted to help me. We sat together while he cased my inventory, suggested buying incentives and Rebecca Hall was moving in across the street— juuuust kidding, but I honestly thought Will Ferrell was going to appear out of nowhere and tell me they were doing a new series for MTV where they recreate scenarios from current movies and catch it on camera. Boiling Points (Movie Edition). Like any good salesman, he greeted people seconds after they rounded the corner/got out of their car, and, in some cases, chased people down the street to let them know there were “things to buy” just ahead. I’m sure for these people it felt like they were in Express all over again. We: Sang such Portland classics as “It’s Cold Out Here Today (Rain Rain Rain)” He told me about girl-book Keeping Secrets by Hannah Montana. The secret? She was Hannah Montana. Talked about our mutual love of You Got Served He highballed — “What do you think, this (landline) phone for… 30 dollars?” while I lowballed — “25 cents.” Ate nothing He had no takers on his 5 dollar pencil bag or anything At the end of the day I gave him 3 dollars (Who am I, my dad?) and he goes, “You didn’t want to split the money you made on your couch halfway?” Incredible. GET OFF MY LAWN

Yesterday was straight out of “Everything Must Go.” I was set up in front of my house for a yard sale and a boy in the neighborhood decided he wanted to help me. We sat together while he cased my inventory, suggested buying incentives and Rebecca Hall was moving in across the street— juuuust kidding, but I honestly thought Will Ferrell was going to appear out of nowhere and tell me they were doing a new series for MTV where they recreate scenarios from current movies and catch it on camera. Boiling Points (Movie Edition).

Like any good salesman, he greeted people seconds after they rounded the corner/got out of their car, and, in some cases, chased people down the street to let them know there were “things to buy” just ahead. I’m sure for these people it felt like they were in Express all over again.

We:

  • Sang such Portland classics as “It’s Cold Out Here Today (Rain Rain Rain)”
  • He told me about girl-book Keeping Secrets by Hannah Montana. The secret? She was Hannah Montana.
  • Talked about our mutual love of You Got Served
  • He highballed — “What do you think, this (landline) phone for… 30 dollars?” while I lowballed — “25 cents.”
  • Ate nothing
  • He had no takers on his 5 dollar pencil bag or anything

At the end of the day I gave him 3 dollars (Who am I, my dad?) and he goes, “You didn’t want to split the money you made on your couch halfway?” Incredible. GET OFF MY LAWN

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY