This is it* (*the end of my life)

Okay I know I’ve sort of been overload on the theater tip lately but I need to get this out into the universe so when I’m murdered (because I will be murdered) you guys know that it was premeditated.

So I’m sitting at the counter watching 30 Rock and an older man (who sort of oozes Vietnam Vet) with a rather large backpack dangling from his hands approaches, hovers and then turns around back into the theater. Whatever. Then about 5 mintues later, same thing, still with the backpack. Except this time he goes downstairs to the bathroom. On his return he manages to start a dialogue:

Me: Hi, can I get something for you?

Old guy: (pause) (more pausing) Have you ever seen the movie The Antichrist?

Me: I haven’t.

Old guy: (staring fucking directly at me) (pause) It’s playing at the Hollywood theater.

Me: Okay, cool.

Old guy: Yeah, just a tip for you. (slowly walks away but keeps his eyes sort of on me.)

That alone is weird enough, but what was REALLY weird is that my two co-workers were sitting in more convenient spots had he just had the urge to tell someone that. He went out of his way to tell ME that “tip”.

He and his suspiciously filled backpack are in the theater right now.

Much Obliged

Do dreams about being accidentally set on fire mean someone is coming to visit or that I’m anxious about my current living situation? I can never remember!!

?

Meagan and Rachel

INT. MOVIE THEATER BATHROOM

(It is the premiere of Twilight’s New Moon and two young girls, age 13, enter arms interlocked.)

Meagan: Wouldn’t it be so crazy but also SO AWESOME if the cast of Twilight like, came to this showing?!

Rachel: You are so retarded that’s so not going to happen.

Meagan: GOD I am. I’m like those kids at school who just sit in that one classroom and eat Pringles all day.

Rachel: Haha, it really is like you have special needs. But oh my god what if they did come!?

Meagan: I know!!!!

(The girls continue staring at themselves in the mirror, fussing with the parts in their hair in a quick but indecisive fashion.)

Meagan: UGH, and if Bella were here I would just totally punch her in the face.

Rachel: I would stab her!!

Meagan: And then we could like, (in unison) MAKE OUT WITH EDWARDDDDDD!!

(The girls laugh at how in sync they are with each other, start jumping up and down and scream at a fever pitch for a straight minute in between breaths. Rachel punches the mirror—it shatters into 4 distinct blocks and blood starts to run from her hand.)

Meagan: Okay I’m feeling out of breath at this point.

Rachel: Me too and I’m a little dizzy.

Meagan: WHAT DID WE EVEN COME IN HERE FOR?

Rachel: WHERE ARE WE?!?

Meagan: What is this—is this a sink? And are those toilets stalls?

Rachel: Meagan, I don’t know let’s just go in them.

Rachel: What do I do with this toilet paper??

Meagan: Where do I put my butt!!

Rachel: I just threw up.

Meagan: Oh my god did you really?

Rachel: Yeah, and I don’t know why, but I threw up on the floor instead of the in toilet.

Meagan: Rachel!

Rachel: I know!

Scene.

We are not the same, he is a martian

From The Carter documentary which is blowing minds right now, Lil Wayne gives us 7 things he would change if he were president:

1.) Legalize weed

2.) Legalize weed

3.) Lower gas prices to where they were when his gramma was livin’. «this one just makes sense.

4.) Put cocaine back into Coca-Cola, ‘cause they took it out—he’ll put it back.

5.) Steroid use in sports = yes. ‘Long as you hittin’ home runs.

6.) Prostitution and gambling in about 5 more states.

7.) No child support or alimony.